drowning from within

Forgive me if I go on
I'm only diseased
I'll smile and I'll play nice
From behind the scenes

I'd really rather feel
Anyway but how I feel

Spent the last fifteen holding onto dreams
That were foolishly calculated
In my idiot teens

I want to fall back, laugh, and run
Get away and maybe then
I won't play foil again

Maybe just end up back here roughin' it

Running in circles makes me dizzy
Makes me want to scream
"It isn't ice water
It's something else in his veins"

To live afraid of drowning
Even I can see the humor in
The irony of a man
Drowning in his own skin

To say what?
To say I say the least
If no one else wants to
Why should I want to be me?