Knotawordle

Little sister
My little Sister
Big little sister
I can still see you
In the back of the room

We used to play such childish games
Race after rainbows, through the falling rain
The inside jokes have started to fade
Like dust settling over words on a page
We wrote, we sang, we laughed
But time just moved too fast

Little sister
My little sister
Big little sister
Time just slips away
Till only thoughts remain

Lives Before

Sometimes I still feel it should be possible.

15 years old and completely lost to a summer that quickly flew by. My time had revolved around Lake Ontario that year. I loved to swim. Loved to crash around through the waves; feel the water flow through me. I swam there with my nephews when they visited, and when they left, I swam alone. But as much as I loved swimming, it was the fall I waited for.

There's a little dock that juts out from a quiet inlet. It's in a whispery town with large farms and fewer people. The dock is formed of pressed gravel and concrete. It should have been ugly -was ugly. But that's what made it so beautiful. Man made peninsula that was completely alien to the surroundings.

I liked to sit there and watch the lake. The rhythmic flow of the waves nimbly dancing across the shore line or crashing against the rocks when the wind picked up. My head's always been a mess but sitting there I seemed able to blank out my thoughts and just be still. It's been a long time since I've had that luxury.

Out a short distance from my gravel perch, in the shallows, was a grouping of concrete blocks. They had dumped large slabs of concrete all along the edge, most likely to prevent people from going to far out. It seemed likely that a few blocks had just got away. It was random but in my mind I built order from the chaos. To me the blocks formed the shape of a giant.

I came to refer to my favorite spot as 'the stone giant's bed.' I even wrote a poem about the giant that lay in the water, waves lapping over him; moss growing on the sides. It was a Christian allegory. That's just the kind of kid I was. I was raised a Christian by my mom but from a young age I had begun reading the bible on my own. More so I believed it without being told.

Years later my experiences with various churches and different ministers who obviously didn't read the book their faith was based on, would contribute to my backsliding. It was only temporary though as I never stopped believing in God. My continued existence seemed founded in a miracle. Eventually I was able to move past my problems with individuals.

Still, sitting on a pier at that time, I knew nothing of those issues. I knew I loved the bite of the autumn air, mingled with the misting of the spray. The flecks of white churning in the dark swell. The water was cold, you could tell without touch, but there was something pure about it.

One cold and overcast day, I happened to be on the dock as a storm moved in. At first the rain was light. As the clouds rolled over the lake, pushed by heavy winds, the rain began to beat down. It was ice cold and each drop felt like a needle against my face. Yet I stood there watching. Looking out at the waves bowling along. Little blue hills on a lake, gathered up and flung violently against the shore.

I could feel the power from above and below. The air was electric and alive. I felt raw and tempestuous. As I stared out into the lake it seemed like I should be able to dive into the water; my atoms diffusing with waves, changing me till I myself became a wave, flowing in and flowing out.

I knew of course this wasn't possible.

I left a few minutes later completely soaked to the bone. Somehow I managed to avoid coming down with a cold. I went on as usual, completely unchanged by the experience. There were no profound revelations that I can share with you. Well, other than that it's nice to have somewhere warm to change out of wet clothes.

Some things, like thoughts of transformations are better left to the realm of fantasy. Still, every now and then, when I happen to pass a lake and catch the sunlight reflecting just right off the tips of the waves; sometimes, just sometimes, it still seems like I should be able.

Cutting

I don't wonder anymore
'Where's my flying car?'
I'd be content just to hit the open road

I don't need another lesson
In the things I can't attain
I've reached the age of settling for 'ok'

Still I tell myself
I'll find myself
To the mirror every morning
What's a little lie caught between friends?
I couldn't take much more
Aching for
The things I can't achieve
Looking in my eyes I can truly see
With a friend like this who needs an enemy?

Crossfade

Somewhere out there
Someone's whispering to me
Turn up the volume

Cause I see right now
How in silence I've found
My on call room

Is there a frequency...
Something I've been missing?

Cause somewhere tonight
The radio buzzes to life
With a heartache

And I flip the switch
Turn the dial away
For my own heart's sake

Is there something, that I've missed?
If I change can I find...

A frequency of happiness

Flawed

Hair like glass
Blown by the sunlight
Embers and ashen
In her eyes
Each of her movements
Graceful and fluid
Like the edge of a curb

Under fast falling rain
Her soul is exquisite
An inspired piece
Kind and sincere
With just the spark of a queen
She's everything I should want
Everything I could dream
But she just isn't you
So she's just not for me

Threshold

Even though the scars are many
I feel like I've seen the light
Feel like I've found a threshold
That's held up against tonight

The stone that built my shelter
Harbors many safe within
Against the raging of the surface
And the axle's deadly spin

He's held on though I've fought him
Trying to let myself drown
But he somehow always brings me around

Lifts me up and puts me on solid ground

;)

Nobody Stops to ask the boy
Why he quietly acts like an idiot
Is it self esteem or plagiarism,
Or the back end of a ruler
That struck him hard to his inches?

Feeing is for cowards
And no one even thinks to guard themselves
We're a world wide floating emoticon
Perched on the tailslide of last week's news

Don't yell it...
Turn your caps off
If you can hold on
Hold on
Hold to it and think
The future isn't always that

Seems like I heard your voice
In the rustling of pages
It's all I can do now to sit here
And think about what was; what wasn't,
And what damn well never will be.

32

A simple little dance
We shared once before
But that was
That was in the way back machine


I'm rarely sleeping
These days when I dream 
I know I'm just
Just a thought away from you


I can almost feel those old songs
We listened to in the pouring sun
I don't want to fight it anymore
You always kept me grounded;
Tethered, down to earth
Now my head's forever in the clouds
Lost in you

Peter and the Wolf

Peter stands before the curtain
Sees her from the corner of his mind
He's so polite
He's always so shy

The curtains lifting, there behind them
The wolf struggles, pulling at his binds
The wolf survives
The wolf cannot die

He can't find the words to tell her how he feels
The wolf wants out.

Strips of paper, pencils, plaster,
Red ink penning words he's tried to rhyme
He's so polite
Always so kind

Piles lining paper baskets whispering
'Pete, the wolf's inside
He still survives
The wolf cannot die'

He can't find the words to tell her how he feels
Thinks he'll die alone

Susan watches silently
Fighting feelings she tries so hard to hide
She's so polite
She's always so shy

And as the curtains falls away from behind her
The wolf wants out.

Vestibule

See the light shine brightly

From the corner of her eye

There is something still running there

Something she's held on to

Even as hope seems to fade

Footsteps shuffle around

Making notes she'll never see

Telling tales 

That have nothing to do 

With a life lived

She smiles wide and states convincingly

I'll soon be found burning bright

My fire screaming through the night

You'll sing my name as I pass by

My light eclipsing

Shadows that fell over me

And I have no doubt now

The Score

There is music hidden within the night
Chords struck
As the moon whistles its light along the tree tops
The swaying of branches
Echoing beats
That are buried deep inside the wood
Ripples across the pond
Sing vibrato
Crashing into cat tails
That stand tall
Playing their strings to a crowded house
I feel the anxious fluttering
In the piccolos flapping their wings;
Hear the thundering bass
In the longing of their hearts
I see the music played to a score
Written across the stars
For all to follow along
And I lay back
In the grass content just to be
A note in the night.

Wave 5

I see it all so clearly now
The lines painted and left to dry
A fistful of quarters for my youth
A 1000 ways to watch the world die

I was the one always swore I knew
Time was not something to mess around
I should have died when I was 3
But I somehow never hit the ground

Now I'm standing here
All cowardice and collapse

We sit and drive the TV set
Of late nights with Stephen Fry
Where Are They Now: Angels of mine
You know I never said goodbye

Oh now,
I feel lost and out of reach
The sky is falling down
All over the world
The weather vane's hopeless
Couldn't find anything to last
The world keeps moving
And I'm spinning
Way too fast

Letting Go

My world slips away
A thousand miles from yesterday
What I've got left to give
I've sown in fields of haze

Whispers lie to me
Shadows slowly gathering
If I could just grab hold
Of my last big dream

And the night it crawls by
As the stars suffocate brightly
With their life

But I'll tell you tonight
If not in person, in a note,
With laughter in my ears,
That hope's been killing me
And now I'm letting go
Letting go

In Perpetuity

Don't worry 'bout the words that you're saying
Saying, I promise not to tell

I'm feeling ageless tonight

We feel the same
In one word alone
In three, you and I

I don't have to be anything
You can stay the same

Flesh, blood, and everything in between

We can be together
You and I
We can be so alone
Together

Till we're all alone again.

Token Valentine's Day

A million voices laughing loud
And I'm alone again tonight
Don't talk of fishes in the seas
Don't whisper words of Valentines

And it's 38 steps
From my front door
Completely sober
Making my bed
On the floor
Falling over

Don't tell me that it's the kind of night
For staying under the covers
When I know it's not the time
For recovering lovers

It's not the time for us
I guess it never was

Temerate

I walk, you walk too
Side by side but not together

Is it wrong to remember,
To want to be something more than now?
Is it wrong that I still feel our youth,
And wish I was walking with you?

I see, you see too
But it's with different points of view

Is it wrong to feel this,
To want to go back the heartache?
Is it wrong not to turn away?
Cause I see you these days,
Sideways.

22

She sees
She feels the pain
And when her daughter tries to ask her
She says, 'it's hard to explain.'
Cause she feels,
With out.

Late night
Tap dance
Old movies, with romance

Scanning the channels for a sign

She says, 'if I can just find the right program;
There's a piece of myself I want back.'

But there's nothing on

She sings;
Closes her eyes
And when the sun starts raining down on her
It's been a short night
She's with out
And she knows now

She says, 'if I can just find the right man;
There's a piece of myself I want back, from him.'

But there's nothing on
Nothing good is ever on.

[Poem] Christmas Eve

Sleep is just a dream
Patient and endless on an early Christmas Eve
Every little head to its pillow
Every little soul under the tree
Thoughts and prayers wrapping presents
Daring children just to peek

Sleep is just a dream
Ornaments pulling down the stem
Painted silhouettes to remind us
Saviour born in Bethlehem
And the star up on that sits atop
Meant to take us back again

Sleep is just a dream
For a child who's listening
Hoping just to hear the sounds
Of those merry sleigh bells ring
And for the parents who are also
Though they're hoping secretly

And when the morning finds the children
Who are waking happily
All the parents know quite sadly
That sleep is just a dream

Bleach

She's a thousand broken down distractions

That I just don't seem to feel anymore

And when I close my eyes to think of us

I'm alone on sun lit shores

And I know now we were just passing by, casting shadows on each other's hearts

Still I wish I'd stayed a little while longer in the dark

Friendly Fire

The silence builds
As they circle round
The two tight lipped and crashing
Breaking all apart

She looks at him
With a smile in her eyes
Mouthing obscenities
He's mouthing back

And she's telling him
Pretty girls make bad friends
And they're better off
Better never than
And she's telling him